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Santa ain’t Perfect

fat aspirateOk, so a few Los Angeles inhabitants pointed out after my last blog that Santa may indeed benefit from liposuction. However, I’d have to disagree. For one, Santa is obese. Obesity is not an indication for liposuction. In fact, in some case it is a contraindication for elective surgery. Period.

Liposuction is best suited for people with discrete ‘deposits’ of fat that just seem to hang around stubbornly even after exercise and dieting. The flanks, belly, outer thighs, saddle bags, and back rolls are good examples of areas that can benefit from fat removal. In men, sometimes the chest (or breast) are also targeted for volume reduction. Of note, liposuction does not remove breast tissue in men.  True excessive breast tissue is a condition called gynecomastia and can only be corrected with excision of the gland.  It is unclear whether or not Santa has gynecomastia.  But I digress…

When fat is removed from liposuction, it can be tossed into a waste basket or injected back into the body.  Areas that benefit from fat injections include the face, buttocks, and breasts.  Fat in the face restores youth.  Why? Young faces are fat.  Don’t believe me? Pull out an old photo of yourself.  What do you see?  Fat! Told ‘ya so.

Fat in the buttock also restores youth to the body.  Not because young people have fat butts, but because young people have perky butts.  Volume addition to a deflated butt will rejuvenate it. Lastly, fat can be injected into the breasts.  But this is generally not recommended.  Why? Click here.

Other than Santa’s rotund physique, he has thinning hair. If Santa wanted to truly turn back the clock, I’d recommend a hair transplantation using NeoGraft technology.  With NeoGraft, hair follicles are extracted from the back of the head and transplanted into areas that are thinning.  Depending on Santa’s (or Mrs. Claus’ desire – we know she really wears the pants), I’d recommend at least 2500 grafts to improve the anterior hairline.

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